its me again ttc, heres a list of errors for you (3e3)obviously. If you are not 3e3 please reference me Teck Chee (Editing & Error Finding) And Javier (Essay)
Short-Form
Explanation needed?
*One day, Raja came back and looked very upset; he had gone to school to collect his exam results.
-> One day, Raja came back and looking upset, he had gone to school to collect his examination results.
Passive Voice
Change to Active Voicing
*He was not given a proper job because he was an Indian Tamil.
->He did not have a proper Job because he was an Indian Tamil.
* He was one of the many poor Indians who were brought by the British to work in tea plantations.
->The British brought him and many other poor Indians to work in the tea plantations in Sri Lanka.
* He was hardworking and honest but was not rich. He was not given a proper job because he was an indian tamil. His wife, Shanti and his hardworking and responsible 17 year old son, Raja. They were living in a small and overcrowded place and was not able to buy a decent house because he was not a citizen of Sri Lanka.
-> He did not have a proper Job because he was an Indian Tamil. His wife, Shanti and his hardworking and responsible 17-year-old son, Raja, lived in a small and overcrowded place. They were not able to buy a decent house because he was not a citizen of Sri Lanka.
Verb Change
Changes your language marks too
* This made it a disadvantage for the Indians.
->This made it disadvantageous for the Indians.
Timeline Confusion
“So you didn’t listen to Mrs Angela Lee AGAIN?”
* Raja tried hard to find a good university, but his results was only 3A's and 3B's and his Sinhalese was a B4, the universities that accepted him was the lousiest ones around, and it was quite far away from his current house.
-> Raja tried hard to find a good university, but his results was only 3A's and 3B's and his Sinhalese was a B4, the universities that accepted him were the lousiest ones around, and they were quite far away from his current house.
Usage of “But”
“No buts about it”
* He decided to disregard his studies and worked as a backbreaking but low-paying construction worker from day to night.
- backbreaking but low-paying construction worker?
-> He decided to disregard his studies to work as a backbreaking, low-paying construction worker from day to night.
Usage of “And” Type 2
Solution: Use a Comma; “Must resist…Temptation to put that word…”
* He decided to disregard his studies to work as a backbreaking and low-paying construction worker from day to night.
-> He decided to disregard his studies to work as a backbreaking, low-paying construction worker from day to night.
Fragments
“Did you just smash that diamond?”
* When the resettlement policy came out in 1950. They were forced to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
-> When the resettlement policy came out in 1950. They were forced to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
Usage of “Were”
“Were…were… werewolf!”
* They were forced to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
-> The government pressurised them to move from where they are staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
* He was one of the many who were killed that day.
-> He was one of the many who died that day.
Wordiness
“What format do you want to compress to?”
* The government pressurised them to move from where they were staying to somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile, there were little or no jobs available there.
-> The government pressurised them to move from their location to, somewhere further inland, where lands were infertile and there was not much jobs available there.
- Removing the comma in the above sentence will result a split infinitive.
Extra word
“I really mean it.”
* Within hours, Colombo had became a warzone.
-> Within hours, Colombo became a warzone.
Two Past Tenses
Avoid; “It’s like saying AVOIDED-ED”
*Within hours, Colombo had became a warzone.
-> Within hours, Colombo became a warzone.
Verb Use
“Talk Little MUCH?
* Raja tried to console her, but she looked dejected and would not talk much.
-> Raja tried to console her to no avail.
One Person One Subject
“One people Two nations let’s play mah-jong…”
*Raja had no choice but to get on with their lives.
->They had no choice but to get on with their lives
Reader Confusion + Passive Voice
“Delete, press delete!”
* They were only allowed to go into a good university if they get 250 for their exams.
Usage of “Am” In Dialogue
“WILL.I.AM HERE.I.AM”
*"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I am sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will still do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
->"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I’m sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will still do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
Make your Stand Clear
“Do It”
"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I’m sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will still do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
->"It doesn't matter, as long as us Tamils stand together, even if I’m sacrificed to get freedom for us, I will do it," speaking in a low voice, Raja spoke as if that he was going to die.
Redundancy
“Isn’t it the same?”
*When will the war will end? Who will win this war, The Tigers or the Government?
-> Who will win this war, The Tigers or the Government?
Define “It”
“It is here! “
* It has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
*Sri Lanka has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
Sentence Destroyer + Chance of getting run-on + Error and Error
“Judges in the movies these days…”
* They were taught to hate the Sinhalese and from then on, Sri Lanka was no longer the old Sri Lanka that was used to be Sri Lanka has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
-> From then on, Sri Lanka was no longer the Sri Lanka that used to be. Sri Lanka has become a country that was fighting for each other because Sinhalese did not treat the Tamils well.
Done By: Teo Teck Chee
t/e//o/t///e/c///k//c//h//e/e/24/at/h/o//t/m//a//i///l/./c/o/m/
Revised Essay Of: Javier Png Han Tiong
j//a/v////i/e/rs/-///1//4////at/ho/t/m/a//il/./c//o/m//
Remove '/' and change at to @
*Please “Reference” if used. Do Not Plagiarise.
Cheers
-Teck Chee
it's US youu should be seeking permission from
unless strict business , please kindly leave .
before , WE MAKE YOUU LEAVE !
thank youu !
MR MOK BOON FOONG ; co-form teach' & maths
MRS LOH ; chemistry teach'
MRS ANGELA LEE ; english teach'
MR HERWANDY ; food and nutritions teach'
MISS MA SUCHUN ; principles of accounts teach'
MISS GAYATHRI ; food and nutritions teach'
MR RENE LOH ; physical ed teach'
WEEK 1 ; GROWTH DAY
WEEK 3 ; VIDEO / MOVIES
WEEK 5 ; TOTAL DEFENCE cum CROSS COUNTRY
WEEK 7 ; FESTIVE CELEBRATIONS
WEEK 9 ; HOBBIES
TERM 2
WEEK 1 ; GROWTH CAMP
WEEK 3 ; IN'TL FRIENDSHIP DAY / SPORTS MEET
TERM 3
WEEK 1 ; REFLECTIONS ON SA1
WEEK 3 ; CCA / COMPETITIONS
WEEK 5 ; RACIAL HARMONY
WEEK 7 ; PETS , ANIMALS , CONSERVATIONS
WEEK 9 ; NATIONAL DAY
Integrity Four 3E4 of '09
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